Searching in chaos.

Revue
 
How can you find your way when things are so...effed?
 
January 30 - Issue #6

Beautiful Voyager

Finding flow every day.

How can you find your way when things are so…effed?

My life was in chaos when I first realized anxiety was making my head, stomach, back and neck hurt. In some ways the chaos made it easier for me to accept a new reality quickly. 
When everything’s in disarray, you have no choice but to adapt.  
When the ground's firm, you can stand still. But when it's not...
Some of the crucial ways I had to adapt that first year:
  • Tapering off migraine medicine and onto Lexapro (10mg)
  • Navigating a follow-up diagnosis process that was confusing
  • Awkwardly learning to communicate about the diagnosis
  • Overcoming my frustration at lack of relevant information online
I'm using the chaos when I can.
Back then, my life felt chaotic, but the world..not as much. These days it’s the opposite. The chaos is destabilizing. How to stay up on a rolling log?
I try to use it. If chaos is a storm of energy, I want to use it to move me in a new direction. In this case, I want to kill the remaining fear that still weighs me down.
How do I know I’m headed the right way in a chaos storm? I use my trustiest navigational tools – my stomach and my head.
I wrote this. I totally had a stomachache when I did.
If my stomach reacts to something I think, read, or hear with a spiky “I’m freaked out” –  I know it’s time to speak up. It’s hard, but getting easier all the time.
I look forward to the day when I get to tell you I no longer have stomachaches after sharing controversial ideas on Facebook or after difficult conversations with friends, colleagues, or bosses. 
In the meantime, I’ll be writing you from the front lines of the anxiety battle, looking forward to hearing all of your stories and learning from your small #wins too.
Love, Meredith
Want reassurance? Handsome actors got your back.
Mark Ruffalo
Doctor Who's David Tennant
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